Friday, January 8, 2010

This is my theme song!


Kids Corner

(Olive Press/Phoenicia Times December 17, 2009)

Lady Gaga has potential, except I don’t think she’s expressing it through her songs. I think she’s a half rose that hasn’t bloomed. I think to become a full flower she needs to fix her lyrics. For instance, in the song “Paparazzi” she’s saying, “I’m going to chase you down until you’re famous.” This is pretty psycho! The song is about following people with cameras and that someone is basically awesome because they’re being stalked. The song is very popular. However, the message of the song says she gets crippled because some guy throws her over a balcony because he thinks it’ll make a good photo shot. This is crazy, but kids just like Lady Gaga! Even I get caught up in the melody, and the way Lady Gaga dresses (even though she’s a total freak with her costumes: science fiction, dorky and bare). I think I’m into her music because of the rhythm too. I still think she could do her thing, but in a different, less sexual man-talk and plum inappropriate way. Maybe her lyrics can be about something other than men. For no particular reason, just a break from men, I would like to hear her write a song about kittens. It could go like, “Kittens are awesome, and I shall not throw them off the balcony. Kittens can dance with rainbows, YEAH!” Here’s a letter to her:
Dear Lady GooGa, sorry Gaga,
I’m always available as a lyricist, in case you just want to write about kittens dancing with rainbows and not so much about men dancing with women. You have great melodies and rhythms—keep it up. Just remember I want to help you with your lyrics.
Cally Mansfield (a.k.a. Llamas in Scarves)
P.S. I’ll give you the kitten idea for free—seriously, use it.

Kids Corner

(Olive Press/Phoenicia Times December 3, 2009)

I asked my dad what a trick question was. He gave a bunch of examples, and I could have figured them out if I had just thought about them harder. First, he asked: "If a rooster flew all the way to the top of the roof and laid an egg on the tippy-top, which way would the egg roll?" I answered, "right." He said, "No, roosters don't lay eggs." The next example he gave was, "If you put a piece of toast in the toaster, you have three settings: golden, medium, and dark. Which one cooks toast the most?" I say, “dark.” Wrong again. The answer is, “You don't toast toast, you toast bread.” By the third example of trick questions, I was on to Dad. He said, "There's a watermelon tree on one side of a fence. BUT, the watermelon falls in the person’s yard on the other side of the fence. Which person owns the watermelon? The yard the tree was on, or the yard the watermelon fell on?" "Neither!" I answered, "there's no such thing as a watermelon tree!" I hear people refer to the phrase “trick question” a lot. Personally, I can’t remember ever asking a trick question. I think people use this phrase too much, maybe to describe things that aren’t really trick questions or because they are suspicious. Readers, tell me, have you heard any real trick questions lately?