(Olive Press/Phoenicia Times February 11, 2010)
Action Pants: you can kick, you can stretch, you can do karate. I learned about Action Pants from my Uncle Chad. He showed me an '80s ad for Chuck Norris Certified Action Pants on his Iphone. We were talking about how my mom had to lie down on the floor and suck her tummy in to zip up her skinny jeans in the '80s. Skinny jeans are definitely back in and running. Kids all around (and me) have them. Some kids have many pairs, like my friend Rachel Sommer. Some people have none (like my friend Kemp Battle). He doesn't have skinny jeans because he's too sophisticated and involved with important business. Some people really rock their skinny jeans, but it's like they suck their butt in to look like they have no tushy.
Now, skinny jean have Lycra in them, which give people the ability to actually MOVE in them. It also means that people don't have to get on the floor and suck their stomachs in to get in their pants. This means that more people can rock skinny jeans. President Obama could rock skinny jeans, but he would look less presidential. Artist Ziemba could usually rock skinny jeans, but she's very pregnant right now and that's asking a little over what she bargained for. My dog Moses could rock the look--no buts about it--but when we put a Halloween costume on him, he didn't move at all. It was like he was lost, frozen in a perilous world. (He doesn't like clothes). My grandpa, Pops, turned 70 yesterday, and he could totally rock skinny jeans. Is think he should. In fact....goodby for now, I'm gonna buy Pops some skinny jeans!